Mongoloid Moment

I don't know if all the formatting will work on this blog, but we shall see. This short screenplay is something I am proud of because I was able to finish it, which is not the case for my features. I like shorts because the drama unfolds very quickly and wraps up quickly. I hope to actually turn this script into an actual production or an online graphic novel if my friend finishes drawing some of the sketches. One day...ENJOY!

INT. Francis' Office - night

OLD SIGN - "Famous Francis" in shiny silver letters. Through the window of a trailer, FRANCIS (41), a grotesquely fat man laden with gold jewelry struggles to turn his stool around at his desk.

He signs his name, "Francis The Gold King" on a contract for a pair of Siamese twins as a skinny, bucktooth JIMMY (21) nervously explains.

Francis
(food flying)
You what!? What do you mean gone?

His fist POUNDS on the desk. Crumbs and pens fly onto the floor filled with straw and dirt.

BUD (2), a rat, cautiously snatches a crumb and nibbles on it. Jimmy trembles.

JimmY
I-I-I--

Francis
We open in four hours for God's sake.

JIMMY
You s-s-see, I was --
A tin can CRASHES against the wall barely missing Bud who scurries to safety.

FRANCIS
I hate rats!

Jimmy cringes.

FranCIs (CONT'D)
You ignorant fool! Haven't I told you not to feed the animals on show days.

JIMMY
B-b-b-but they're st-st-starving.

Francis' stubby hand picks up a renegade crumb and engorges it with one LOUD CRUNCH.

FRANCIS
Jimmy, you have to know when to give them what they want so they can give you what you want. Understand?

JIMMY
I-I-I think s-s-s-so.

FRANCIS
Good. So what happened to "The Mongoloid?"

Jimmy loses himself in a non-communicable STAMMER. Francis leans over to Jimmy and grabs his collar.

FraNCIS
No one better suspect a thing? Just find that thing and get it here before opening act. Understood?

Jimmy nods and quickly exits. Bud retreats deeper in his hole. Francis lounges in deep thought. He fingers a box filled with coins.

EXT. Outside Francis' Office - Night - Opening Credits
Bud scampers down some stairs. He finds himself in a straw-strewn dirt field and weaves between some horses' hooves and various empty carnival stands. A horse NEIGHS.

FREAKS' TENT
Bud scampers curiously into a tent. He passes by several dirty cages entirely covered by velvet
curtains except for along the bottoms, hinting at grotesque freaks hidden behind.

OUTSIDE
A gold object shines in the distance attracting Bud's attention. He fetches it in his teeth.

BUSHES shake in the background. An EERIE GIGGLE fills the air. An ODDLY SHAPED EYE stares out through a clearing.

EXT. Carnival - Popcorn Man stand - Night
Popcorn EXPLODES from the pan. A hand scoops some and places it into a bag. TOMMY (7) eyes the bag hungrily. The POPCORN MAN (25) hands the bag to a CUSTOMER for a SILVER DOLLAR.

Popcorn Man
Want a taste?

The Popcorn Man reveals his GLIMMERING SILVER TEETH in a smile. Tommy returns the smile and nods. He grabs the sample and savors it.

Popcorn Man
Popcorn's just a dollar?

Mother (O.S.)
Come on, Tommy. We have to go now.

Popcorn
Well, maybe next time.

MOTHER (35) pulls Tommy from the stand. The Popcorn Man waves goodbye. Tommy watches the stand disappear behind the crowd.

INT. Freaks' Tent - Night
There are two rows of cages covered with velvet curtains in which only the bottoms are revealed of all colors, shapes, and sizes. GROANING, SNIFFLING, and CRYING echo in harmony.

A three-legged shadow shuffles back and forth across the cage in a corner.

CrAZED VOICE (O.S.)
Doctor Kercher, please get this motherfucker out of my head. I don't know what to do. I hear them. They want me to do bad things. I don't want to do bad things, Doctor Kercher. Please, please help me.

A DARK HAND slowly reaches out from the bottom of another curtain. His name plate "COONMAN" hangs crooked. The hand travels vertically until it finds a CORD and pulls.
The curtain opens. Dark skinned with black rings around his eyes, COONMAN (20) bites on his own tail.

COONMAN
One, two, three, shut up! You stupid barstool.

Another curtain opens. A MICHELLE/MICHAEL (32), a half man half woman, throws her tin. It RATTLES on Coon's cage.

COONMAN
Hey watch it!

Michelle
Leave him alone!

COONMAN
Why? Boss calls him that all the time, girly.

Michael
You listen to everything the boss says?

Coonman
What you gonna do about it? Why don't you come here and shut me up.

Michelle
If the Mongoloid got out, so can I.

Coonman
If anyone's gonna get out, it sure ain't gonna be you.

An unidentified object slaps Coonman in the face.

COONMAN (CONT'D)
Is that the best you got? You throw like a girl. Anyway the only one I think can get out of here is Metal Head. How about it, big guy?

METAL MAN (50) a big man sitting in fetal position watches Coonman through a hole in the curtain and ignores his pleas.

COonman (CONT'D)
Hell, these bars are so rusty, I could do it. And the first thing I do when I get out is get me some ice cream. Boy do I miss mam’s homemade choco vanilla swirl. Mmm.

Coonman grasps two bars of his cage. Everyone's interest peaks. Coonman pulls with all his might. Sweat forms. His arms shake. The bars budge slightly. Metal Man watches Coonman
make one last effort. He fails.

Defeated, Coonman pulls the curtain closed. Slowly all other cages close their curtains. Metal Man stares at the rusty bars. He nudges it slightly with his big toe. It easily gives in to the pressure. Frightened, Metal Man returns to his fetal position and rocks himself in the darkness.

EXT. Carnival - Madam Lina's Tent - Night
Tommy's mother sits Tommy down on a wooden chair.

Mother
Stay here. I'll be right back.

Tommy
(to himself)
Popcorn.

Tommy leaves to go exploring.

EXT. WOODLANDS near camp - night
Jimmy with a net and rope searches for the missing freak. There is a RUSTLE. Jimmy waves his net frantically. He stumbles and falls on a prickly bush.

On a branch of a nearby tree, a CREATURE in the shadows watches Jimmy's efforts in amusement.

Voice (o.S.)
Whatcha lookin' for, Mister?

Jimmy jumps high. He sees Tommy with big curious eyes.

Jimmy
G-g-g-et out of here, k-k-k-kid. You don't b-b-b-belong here.

Jimmy scoots Tommy away. Tommy slowly makes his way back to the gypsy tent. In the background, there is a LOUD RUSTLE as the MONGOLOID (7) drops from a tree.

Tommy turns around and finds himself face to face with a freak, a child similar to Tommy but afflicted with Down Syndrome. His face is severely DISFIGURED. Tommy is curious.

Tommy
What's your name?

The Mongoloid creeps closer to Tommy until their noses touch. The Mongoloid smiles back. He LAUGHS heartily.
Mongoloid
Har. Eeee! He he he. Har! Eeee!

Tommy
Harry? Well very nice to meet you? I'm Tommy. Would you like to meet Captain Steel?

Tommy pulls the Mongoloid along with him. In the background, Jimmy romps and thrashes in the brush and chaparral.

INT. Freaks' Tent - ENTRANCE - Night
The tent flap opens with Francis carrying a bucket of slop.

Francis
Hello my pretties. Alright, who's hungry?

Scary GROANING, SNARLING, and WAILING can be heard as they call out behind their velvet curtains.

Francis stops in front of WORM'S cage and opens the curtain.

Francis (conT'D)
(teasing)
You must be starving. I got some food for you. Come on.

Bud enters into the tent. Metal Man's grimy hands grasp the metal cage.

Francis teasingly holds out a spoonful of slop. The creature creeps its legless, armless body into the light.

Francis spots Bud. Francis jumps. He stomps his feet. Bud runs away.

Francis (conT'D)
Hey, don't disturb my babies, you little shit!

The Three Legged Man (O.s)
Please, Dr. Kercher, get this motherfucker out of my head. Please you have to help me.

FRANCIS
What do we have here?

Francis approaches the curtain.

THe Three Legged man
Dr. Kercher, I can't sleep. I can't eat. Please help me.

Francis
Of course I'll help you. Are the voices bothering you still?

The Three Legged Man CRIES SOFTLY.

FRancis
You want to play a game? Will that make you feel better?

The Three Legged Man nods.

Francis
Let's play "Beat the Barstool."

Francis LAUGHS as he RATTLES the cage with his whip. The Three Legged Man SHRIEKS.

FRANCIS
You better put on a good show or none of you are going to eat.

The curtains open. One CREATURE watches Francis approach.

Francis (CONT'D)
You, my perfectly disgusting freak. Even a fly would puke with one glance of your face.

Francis LAUGHS. The creature looks away to the floor of the cage. A tear drops followed by chunks of yellow slime.

Francis closes the curtain to an empty cage.

Francis
It's unfortunate that you escaped. However the show must go on.

The Three LEgged Man (O.S.)
(crying to himself)
Please, Dr. Kercher help me!

Metal Man covers his ears and rocks in the cage.

EXT. Carnival - Madam Lina's Tent - Night
Tommy shows Harry his toys. In his right hand is CAPTAIN STEEL who soars through the air. In the other hand is MORTANA, the witch princess, with a bandana around her neck as a cape.

Tommy
I am Captain Steel!!! Carpenter Joe in disguise but a strong and powerful super hero when people in need cry out his name.

Tommy in Helpless woman's voice
Oh Captain Steel, help us!

Tommy in Captain Steel Voice
I will defeat you Evil Mortana. Pow. Pow. Pow. Bash. Wham.

Mongoloid
(echoes)
Pow! Wham! Pow!

Tommy
Very good, Harry. And evil Mortana is defeated.

Tommy in Evil Mortana Voice
Noooooooo. No fair. No fair.

Tommy in Helpless woman's voice
Oh, Captain Steel, my hero.

Tommy in Captain Steel Voice
I will return to the Lady Anzora. Once again good triumphs over evil.

Tommy HUMS THEME SONG. The Mongoloid CLAPS along.

The tent flaps open. Tommy's mother appears followed by MADAM LINA (20), a pretty gypsy woman wearing multi-colored scarves and long skirt.

Tommy turns and sees that his new friend has disappeared.

Tommy
Where'd he go?

Tommy steps accidentally in Madam Lina's path. She trips.

mother
Tommy!
Tommy turn and sees Madam Lina falling to the ground. Tommy rushes to help her.

ToMMY
I'm sorry. I was looking for my friend, Harry. I -
(whispers)
Lady Anzora.

Madam Lina's fall reveals her WOODEN LEG. With Tommy's help, she rises to her feet. Madam Lina knocks on her hollow replacements.

Madam Lina
(amused)
Lost it in the lion's cage, but don't worry his kindness has been returned.

Madam Lina strokes the CLAW hanging from around her neck.

Tommy
You're beautiful.

Tommy hands her the prized scarf from the defeated Mortana. Madam Lina smiles.

Madam lina
And your kindness shall be returned.

Madam Lina ties the scarf about her neck fitting perfectly with her ensemble. She then unties a long gorgeous scarf from around her waist. She folds it up and places it in his box.

Madam Lina strokes the lines along Tommy's palms. She looks carefully around and her eyes
rest on a nearby bush.

Madam Lina
Such strong lines. The Spirits favor you, my little one.

Madam Lina disappears into her tent.

MotheR
That took long didn't it? Well what would you want to do next? How would you like a dollar to spend on anything you want?

Tommy's eyes lights up. His mother hands him a shiny new SILVER DOLLAR. Tommy reverently takes it from her hand.

Tommy
(to Captain Steel)
What do heroes love to eat? Popcorn!

Tommy happily runs off waving his silver dollar in the air.

MOTHER (O.S.)
Tommy, wait!

Tommy
Harry? Where are you? Don't you want some popcorn?

INt. FREAK'S TENT - night
Jimmy defeated drops all his useless traps and nets next to the Mongoloid cage. A childlike GIGGLE escapes from the curtain. Jimmy cautiously approaches the Mongoloid cage and pulls on the curtain handle.

Jimmy
Woo HOO!

INT. FREAK'S TENT - MomentS LATER
Francis closes the curtain to a cage.

Francis
Jimmy, I don't know how you did it.

In the background, the creatures WHISPER to themselves.

Michelle
The Mongoloid, he's back.

Coonman
Couldn't hack it with the real-landers. Just as well. Neither of us would.

Francis pats Jimmy on the back.

Francis
Good job, Jimmy. Didn't think you could do it.
(Looks at his watch.)
Right in time. Let the show commence.

EXT. Carnival - Night
Tommy wanders through a brightly colored carnival. He sees the word "pop" and begins to run.
sign "pop" person moves out of the way and see "pop 3 balloons, WIN A PRIZE"

Tommy turns. He is stuck behind a crowd, all waving silver dollars in the air. Tommy cautiously pushes through them.

FRANCIS (v.O.)
So think nothing can scare or surprise you? Behind me are creatures galore. Inhuman, disfigured, supernatural, damned. This is real, folks. Now, you can be the few chosen to feast your eyes on them for only...one piece of silver.

As Francis unravels his spiel, a coin is swiped from Tommy's fingers and quickly inserted it into a box. Tommy fights against the crowd, but he is swept inside a tent.
sign "Francis' Fabulous Freaks"

INT. Francis' Tent - NiGHT
Thick green mist hovers. A hushed WHISPERING fills the air. The room is cramped and dimly lit.

A large metal gate heavily secured with a huge rusting padlock blocks the way. Francis opens the gate.

FRANCIS
Gather around, every-- (Pause)

Francis looks down. Tommy tugs on his coat. Francis pushes him away.

FRaNCIS (CONT'D)
Closely, folks. Some of my freaks are wild and will BITE off your hand in an instant. Please don't give them the opportunity. It's feeding time...

People closest to the gate step back. Francis CRACKS his whip all over the gate.

FRANCIS (CONT'D)
Get ready my pretties. Here they come.

The crowd files through the gate cautiously. Tommy looks up at Francis imploringly.

FRANCIS (CONT'D)
Whaddya want?

TOMMY
My dollar.

FRANCIS (CONT'D)
Oh no. NO refunds. NO exchanges. NO returns. Go in and enjoy.
Francis leads Tommy roughly into the exhibition area.

INT. EXHIBITION AREA - Weeping Beauty - NigHT
A lone cage stands covered with a velvet curtain. CRYING and PLOPS can be heard behind it.

FRANCIS (CONT'D)
I want to remind the audience that here at Francis' Fabulous Freaks, we have no costumes, no parlor tricks. Everything you see is 100% genuine. For this specimen,

Francis pulls a cord revealing WEEPING BEAUTY (25) in a long flowing dress sitting on a stool.
Her back is turned. She shakes as if weeping. The floor is covered with a thick layer of slime which drips from the cage and onto the floor.

FRANCIS (CONT'D)
She lived in her bathtub for years because--- well, you can see for yourself. Come on, my dear. Turn around. Show everyone your pretty face.

The woman doesn't turn. Francis SNAPS his whip fiercely.

FRANCIS (CONT'D)
I said turn around! NOW!

Slowly the woman turns around. Chunks of skin and puss run off her face with a LOUD PLOP. The crowd GASPS.

Man From Crowd
What the hell is that-that thing?

FRancis
A flesh-eating bacteria. I wouldn't come too close if I were you.
Let's move on, shall we?

Bud, the rat, watches from an overhang above.

The crowd starts following Francis to the next exhibition.

Tommy (o.S.)
Don't cry.

Francis turns around and sees The Weeping Beauty unfolding Madam Lina's long gorgeous scarf. She wraps the cloth adoringly about her face and body covering all the infections and highlighting her big brown eyes.

Man from crowd
Well, would ya look at that!

Woman from Crowd
She looks almost...

Francis, frozen for a moment, shakes himself. He STOMPS towards Tommy and grabs his shoulder.

Francis
What are you doing, you little...

Tommy
When I have a boo boo, Mommy gives me a tissue and makes it all better.

Francis looks around and sees the audience watching.

Francis
Hey, didn't I say not to go near the cages? You could have gotten bitten and then infected. You see? Now folks, THAT is why I have rules that must be obeyed. If you move on to the next exhibit, you'll be in for a treat.

The audience hesitantly moves to the next exhibit.

Francis (CONT'D)
(whispering)
Do that again, you little brat, and I'll throw you to my creatures for lunch.

Francis turns to the no longer weeping Beauty.

Francis (CONT'D)
(louder whispering)
And you, take that off. You think you pass as one of us? Under that cloth, you are still just a freak.

She ignores Francis and manages to see her reflection in the dull metal of her feeding pan. She stares into her BROWN EYES. Francis grips the hilt of his whip. He changes his mind. Francis drags Tommy towards the next exhibition area.

INT. EXHIBITION AREA - METAL MAN - NigHT

Francis
Ok, folks, this is one of my old-time favorites.

Francis pulls the cord revealing Metal Man standing at full length, almost three times Tommy's size. His skin a dull metal sheen.

Tommy
Captain Steel!

Tommy takes out his Captain Steel toy.

FRAncis
Eh, what is this?

Francis swoops down and steals Captain Steel from Tommy's hands. He inspects it carefully and LAUGHS.

Tommy
Give it back!

FRANCIS
An uncanny likeness, but this is no super hero. This is an ordinary construction project gone horribly wrong.

TOmmy
It IS Captain Steel, and he's going to come out and POW you if you hurt me.
Tommy looks to Captain Steel for help. METAL MAN is SILENT.

Tommy (CONT'D)
(to Captain Steel)
You're Captain Steel. What are you doing in a cage?

Francis
And what would he do if he's been freed? After the atrocious accident, this poor creature couldn't get a job in construction or anywhere until he found a home here with Francis' Fabulous Freaks. Isn't that right?

Tommy
(like a mantra, worshiping Metal Man)
In darkness, he gives us light. In treachery, he seeks the truth. In injustice, he finds justice. He is one lean mean construction machine, Captain Steel. HO!

The Metal Man looks back and forth between Tommy and Francis. Francis LAUGHS. The audience LAUGHS. Tommy's eyes well up.

Francis
Ridiculous! Hold on folks. Let me catch my breath.

Tommy slowly backs off. He turns and runs away.

Francis (CONT'D)
Hey, get back here! Where do you think you're going?

Francis grabs Tommy's arms. Tommy fights back uselessly. Francis LAUGHS. Tommy's toy falls to the ground. Francis drags the boy to the Mongoloid cage.

TOMMY
Let go of me!

Francis
Let me show you something. This is what happens to little boys who don't listen.

Metal Man picks up the fallen toy and looks at it carefully. He glances over to the Weeping
Beauty's cage, who begins to GIGGLE at her reflection.

Francis pulls on the cord of the cage and reveals The Mongoloid rocking in his cage.

The audience GASP in horror. The Mongoloid gives a wave.

WOMAN
That's disgusting!

Tommy
That's not disgusting. That's Harry!

Tommy runs to the cage and squeezes tightly between the bars. The Mongoloid smiles with his crooked, rotten teeth. The audience SCREAMS for Tommy to stay away.

Francis
Get out of there! Jimmy! You dolt. Why didn't you spot this sooner?

Tommy
I was going to get you some popcorn, but you disappeared.

Francis
Get away from that freak!

Tommy
His name is Harry, and he doesn't belong here.

Francis marches slowly up to the cage.

Francis
Why you insolent, little, meddling, brat. When I get my hands on you, you'll wish you were never born.

The audience stands collectively reacting to each word.

Tommy hugs the Mongoloid tightly.

Francis' golden JEWEL EARRING sparkles in the light.

Suddenly, Bud jumps from the rafters and bites Francis on the ear. Francis struggles with pain and throws Bud to the ground.

Francis
You measly vermin, what you gonna to do against this?

Francis pulls out his whip and SNAPS it in the air. Francis makes a motion to strike. The audience watch mesmerized.

Francis' hands are caught in midair. The whip drops to the ground. Behind him Metal Man towers over everyone and lifts Francis off the ground.

Francis
(shocked)
What the? How'd you? Jimmy!

Jimmy stands back shaking. Metal Man tosses Francis in the corner.

Metal Man
(hoarsely)
No more.

Metal Man returns to unlock each cage.

Francis
What are you doing!? Stop it, you're freaks. You belong in cages.

Each creature emerges out of the cages.

Francis (CONT'D)
I fed you.

The three-Legged man
Dr. Kercher beat us.

Francis
I clothed you.

Michelle
Starved us.

Francis
I took you in and gave you a purpose.

Coonman
As "freaks?" I will not sing for my supper, Boss.

Worm
Let's make him suffer.

CREATURES
Yeah!

The audience shiver in fear.

The three-Legged Man
The voices make me do bad things. The voices make me want to kill.

Francis
Hey now, let's not be so hasty.

Weeping Beauty
Make him ugly.

Francis
What I said to you before, that was untrue. All of you. It was only for show. I didn't mean anything really.

Metal Man emerges from the crowd.

Metal Man
(hoarsely)
Ten years ago, I died. Belittling words that punched and crushed my soul into a useless lump. No more. Because I remember...Fat Francis, the fattest man in the world. Don't you remember?
Francis
No, Fat Francis doesn't exist!

Metal Man
You and I are the last of the old show. Remember everyone mocked you, threw food at you, forced you to eat some more.

INt. FREAK'S TENT - FlashBACK
Younger Francis in a tiny cage. His flesh poking out of his clothes. The audience sneers. A little boy tosses a tomato at Francis.

Little boy
Take that, fat boy.

Francis
No no no.

INT. FREAK'S TENT - present

Francis
NO NO NO!

Metal Man
After you became the boss's pet, and after he died, you took over and changed everything. Isn't that right, Francis?

EXT. FRANCIS' OFFICE - 10 years ago - FlashBACK
A silhouette of a fat man chopping up something in huge WACKS can be seen through a window.
A SIGN is hung with the words "Famous Fat Francis." Bloodied hands scrap away at "Fat."

FRANCIS (O.S.)
(mumbling)
I'll show them.

INT. FREAK'S TENT - present

Francis
So what?

Metal man
But nothing has changed.

Francis
No one laughs at me anymore. I am the Gold King. I am rich. I am famous. Everyone loves my show.

Metal man
You need to pay, Francis.

Francis
What?

Metal Man
Michelle, Michael, get the box.

Francis
What box? What are you going to do to me?

Metal Man
You're going to pay, Francis.

Francis
I'm already a broken man.

A MAN from the audience starts to leave subtly.

Metal man
Don't move.

That same man breaks down in the corner.

Francis
(growing hysterical)
I just didn't want to be a freak anymore! I'll-I'll give you anything.

Michelle/Michael slowly make their way through the crowd.

Worm
Are you ready, Francis?

Francis (CONT'D)
You could all be powerful. Just like me. See this and this. This could be yours, too.

Francis drops all of his necklaces and rings to the ground. Tears stream down his face.

The three-Legged Man
Dr. Kercher's been bad.

Francis (conT'D)
Fine! You were in your stinking cages while I could finally eat in peace. Go ahead. Take another miserable life. I accept it willingly.

Francis pathetically closes his eyes, spreads his arms, and waits for a blow.

A BOX crashes with a loud CHA-CHING onto the floor.

Francis stares at his MONEY BOX full of silver dollars.

Francis
I don't understand...

Metal man
You're going to pay, Francis. Everyone of these people will have their money back. "Francis' Fabulous Freaks" does not exist.

Francis
My-my money? You want me to give it all back.
(pause)
Oh no! NO refunds! NO exchanges! NO returns! They got what they paid for, a show. They got to see "freaks," 100% genuine. No--

Metal man
WE ARE HUMAN, Francis.

Metal Man takes Francis's hand, shoves it inside the box, grabs a handful of coins. He motions the audience to come forward. Michael/Michelle goads them gently.

Francis
Don't touch me, you freak!

As the Metal Man makes Francis give the first man a handful of coins, he explains.

Metal Man
My name is Christopher Joseph Milken. I was born and raised in Minneapolis, Minnesota. My mother was a teacher. My father was a carpenter. I wanted to follow in his footsteps.

The next woman steps forward. Michelle/Michael steps forward.

Michelle
I am Michelle. This is Michael. We're soul mates.

Michael
Nice to meet you. We were born in New York City and orphaned at ten. But we've always had each other, and I guess that's how we survived.

Michael sheds a tear. The woman smiles and gives them a hug.

Tommy smiling and holding hands with Harry steps forward.

Tommy
Hi, Captain Steel. Harry and I want to buy popcorn.

Francis only QUIETLY CRYING now watches as Metal Man gives Tommy a huge handful of coins.

Metal Man
Well, then, here you go and not a moment longer. And don't forget this.

Metal Man takes out the Captain Steel action hero.

Tommy
Thank you.

Metal Man watches Tommy and Harry run out of the tent with pockets bulging.

Tommy
Harry, there's this nice man at the popcorn stand. He really listens to his mommy because boy are his teeth really clean.

Voices (O.S.)
My name is Walter. My name is Melinda. My name is Victor. My name is Alan, and I am from Louisiana. So what are you going to do now? Dunno, but I sure feel like findin’ me some ice cream.

FaDE TO BLACK.